Independent Living

Independence, the ability to be responsible for one's own life, choices and feelings is vital to everyone.
Some persons in our society have to work harder to achieve independence than others.  This page and its related resources are for persons who are disabled and for those who support or work with them.

Friendship and Support

Friends provide support, they listen, they share personal information.  They are honest and open and trustworthy.  Friends are playmates and confidants.  They are there when you need them.  Friends are people who accept you as you are without judgment.   Friends tell it like it is and you listen because you know they care.  Friends are a vital part of a full life.

Support workers provide support, they listen, they know a lot of personal information about  those whom they support.  They are honest and trustworthy.  They are there when you need them.  The accept you and help you without judgment. They are people who do things with you, share meals and home tasks.    They are people who care about and for you and are a vital part of  your life.

These two essential roles in a disabled person's life are often and easily confused.  Can support staff truly be friends?  Where does their job end and friendship begin?  These are very difficult questions.  Many disabled persons claim staff as friends and vice versa.

Necessarily there are professional limits on friendship with support staff.  Legally they must draw boundaries that they can not cross.  They are required by their jobs to act like friends and often genuinely are, but the friendship is often one way and must stop when the time clock ends. 

This is confusing and difficult for many.  It is essential that honest, clear discussion be used to define the limits of the friendship with support staff.  The obligation to be clear belongs to the support staff.  They are also the ones who must enforce the boundaries.  To not do so is a disservice to their clients that may create pain, confusion and  anger.

One way to relieve pressure on support staff-client relationships is for staff to encourage and support active social life for the persons they serve. Development of friendships and social activities for clients creates a community of friendships without the boundaries in professional relationships.

Often disabled persons benefit greatly from training in and modeling of social skills including ways of breaking the ice with another person and development of levels of healthy intimacy in friendships.  Support staff play an important role in this training and modeling. 

Look to the links for more information.

Links of Interest

Disability Non-Profit Services

Cornucopia of Disability Information

Siecus Sexualty & Disability Bibliography

Disability Information Center

Kathy's Independent Living and Disability

disAbility Information and Resources

The PeopleNet DisAbility DateNet

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